In my view, there are two types of anger:
1. Anger from the moment, and
2. What I call loaded anger
Anger from the moment is healthy and normal, and as long as it is discharged in an appropriate manner, it is no problem.
Loaded anger is out of all proportion to the present event and usually causes an explosion of energy that others present find themselves ducking for cover or quivering in fear.
This form of anger can be extremely destructive and often masks a deep past hurt. People tend to hang onto this anger and it can persist for hours or even days and may morph into moods and depression. People with this type of anger often deny they have an anger issue.
Some time ago a young man came to see me.
“How can I help?” I asked
“I have major problems keeping a relationship, “ he replied.
“What about your anger?” I asked, as it was obvious to me this man had sparks of anger bouncing around inside him. Obviously his partners had felt this also.
“I haven’t been angry for about 10 years,” he replied with a triumphant smile.
“Oh shit,” I said bending forward and dropping my head into my hands.
“You ok?“ he enquired with a startled look.
“I am, but I don’t know about you,” was my reply.
He had done such a good job in telling himself that he had no anger, yet it was obvious to me he had simply suppressed his anger. I tried to convince him that anger was a normal human emotion, and if he doesn’t ever feel it, either he is lying to himself or he is emotionally abnormal.
This is an example of how easily we can convince ourselves of something other than what is.
The first stage in helping ourselves is to be honest with where we are. If you get angry and it is truly out of all proportion to the event happening at that moment, then you have a store of loaded anger.
Remember this type of anger is a mask for deep-seeded pain. The hurt person becomes the angry person, attempting to protect the hurt and this leads to varying levels of control in an attempt to be safe from being hurt. A cycle of entrapment has developed.
Look deeply and if you come to the conclusion you have loaded anger, get some regression therapy to help unload it from your historic self. You will find life runs a lot more smoothly without the damaging spikes of anger.