Understanding Control Issues: Who Or What Is In Control Of You?


How often do you run into control freaks? Those individuals who have to be in control of everything in their lives? You need to be aware that they will control you if you give them half a chance. And look out, if you let them - they will be telling you how to think and act and before you know it, you will be doing things that they want you to do and not what you want to do.

Controllers are disempowered individuals who seek their lost power through controlling and disempowering others, or controlling situations in their lives. If controllers are able to recognise that they have become a controller and look back into their life, they will find a situation or an individual that was, or has been, controlling them. Once they are free of the influence of that situation, they will then subject others to the unpleasant feeling of being controlled or “getting even” without realising, by subjecting others to what they had been given.

Whatever the extent, it is not appropriate to be controlled, nor is it appropriate to be a controller. In the first instance, you are violated by another; in the second, you are the violator.

The key is to be aware of which side of the fence you find yourself on. If you are able to look at yourself objectively and can see where you sit in the control/controlled spectrum, then you have a chance to set yourself free and be neither the controller nor the controlled. With awareness, you will become free and no one will be able to control you. You will be aware of the damage of being a control freak (or the violator) and you will not go there. If you can relate to this, you may find some regression therapy helps you to understand your pattern and also to release the embedded emotion that sets the whole cycle up.

Control issues can show up in many different shapes and forms. One example is the neat freak. Neat freaks are those people who try to control their space with neatness. While there is nothing wrong with order - in fact it’s positive and shows an ordered state of mind – it naturally becomes a problem when it becomes an obsession.

The obsessive neat freak builds his or her entire world around neatness and order. If you fit in here, look back and you will find either a parent who was a neat freak and you learnt from them, or someone around you was so messy that you became the opposite. Investigate your history and emotions around those situations, and the story of the control behind it will start to become clear.

As with all of life awareness is the key and the ability to laugh at yourself - even a simple “Oh there I go being a neat freak again” - can help to break the pattern. With this awareness, change will come; you will see what a pain you are to yourself and to others.

Another similar example is the perfectionist. Perfectionists are those individuals who set the bar impossibly high for them selves. Because what they aspire to be is either impossible or near impossible, they create tremendous stress within. If not checked and sorted, this stress will lead to continual disappointment and ultimately condemnation of themselves. In time, sickness can manifest with depression leading the way. If these individuals look back in their life - the only way to understand yourself - they will find their self-worth was wounded somewhere back in time.

Case in point is Joe. What ever Joe attempted as a child, it was never good enough in his dad’s eyes and his dad had no difficulty in trying to control the situation by telling Joe that he must do better. While this strengthened Joe’s resolve and he went on in life to achieve a great deal, it was never good enough for Joe and no amount of people telling him how well he had done would convince him that he was a success. Joe was still trying to prove himself to his dad. He had become a perfectionist. Joe had a lot of stomach cramps and digestive issues (i.e., he had difficulty digesting life).

I am reminded of the Japanese tradition when building a house; they always leave some small part of the building crooked just to remind themselves that on this earth nothing is perfect.

As you travel into ever increasing awareness on your journey, you will be shown many indicators of the issues that you carry. If you find yourself running into control freaks and they really bother you, take a look within - you will find that you too are the thing you dislike in them.